I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
