There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
