you would pick up someone in the library
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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