I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
