is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I smell stomach acid.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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