I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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