Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
