So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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