your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
