I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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