guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
