I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
