Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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