Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
