I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
