So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
