My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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