why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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