Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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