Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
