please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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