Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
