That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize