i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
