Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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