dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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