True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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