Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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