Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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