I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
