my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
