Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
