Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
