I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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