i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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