So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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