I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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