I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
