I am puke
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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