I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
