HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
