she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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