I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize