I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
