i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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