How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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