so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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