Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
