At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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