Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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