I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
