i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
