My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize