this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
