just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
