dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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