What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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