I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
vagina is talking i cant
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
