I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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