I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
