hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
