3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
